Wednesday, October 20, 2010
I just have to write on this morning...
I know alot of times you guys get tired of hearing my rants about how God has touched me in my life. Well, shame on you, that's the devil! Rebuke him!! Lol. Bet you didn't see that coming. =)
Anyway, here's another rant. Because in mere minutes, the Holy spirit did it for me again. This morning I was a hot mess. I let the devil in this morning. No, he crept in. I will never just LET him in. Monday I went to church with Mom, and was touched by what the speaker had to say. Then Tuesday it was followed with an awesome day in bible study. After bible study, Angie came over and we spent the WHOLE afternoon talking about God. Then this morning, here comes satan... trying to wedge his ways into my heart, and erase everything God just did. I became bitter, annoyed, frustrated, angry, and I was ready to write people off for no good reason. Just because they got on my nerves. Those are feelings I shouldn't have because that is not how a christian behaves. I was angry. I had to ask a few friends to pray for me. I knew I was in a bad place, but I couldn't shake it. It seemed sensible at the time. So I like everyday, I come to my computer to check my games. You know, stupid Farmville, Sorority Life, all that junk. I checked in on a few friends, and talked to some, too. Then it hit me. Just like that, I had an overwhelming sensation. My body tingled. The spirit told me to 'get right, Jaycee'!! I could hear it loud and clear. And I did. I obeyed. I deleted games. I deleted so called friends. I deleted any and all negative people. People whose walk was not with God. People I felt would bring me down.
Then I cried. No, I bawled. I sat here like a baby and rocked myself. I cried and begged God for forgiveness. I begged Him to forgive me for not putting Him first. I cried and I thanked Him. Thank You for showing me You are still here with me. I felt Him today. He was here. God was here with ME today! He touched all over my body. It tingled, and before I know it, I was lifting my hands to praise Him, and give it all to Him!! It felt like an out of body experience. I feel renewed. I feel like the day I was saved. I feel reborn again.
You know, besides the day I became saved, and today, I've felt this feeling before. Three times. Once on my couch. I was living a life of sin. Partying, drinking, you name it. I laid there, and had a vision of a man standing over me. He was trying to talk to me. There was a peace about him, but I was living in sin, so I didn't know what to do. My instinct was to become scared. I tried to get up, but this man was holding me down. I was awke, but I was literally paralyzed. I couldn't move. I could feel the pressure of his weight on my body. He radiated light from everywhere. So much I couldn't see his face. I'm 100% sure God was trying to tell me something that day. I only wish I knew to stop and listen. Second, at work. My husband and I worked together. We cleaned airplanes at the time. Suddenly I had a nervous breakdown. I could not bring myself to go onto another plane. I was crying uncontrollably. I didn't understand where these emotions were coming from. But I physicaly could not control myself. My husband finally got me on the plane. He talked me down. Told me to talk to God. To ask Him to take these feelings away. And I did. I prayed, and God came, and He put his arms around me and He rocked me. He calmed me. My body rocked back and forth like a father does his child. I wasn't moving. He was moving me. Keldron saw it for himself. He also saw my "what is going on" face. I didn't know God, so I didn't understand what was happening, so it scared me. When I let it scare me, the rocking stopped. Third time, was after Jayden died. I was asleep on the couch. Too scared from his death to sleep in my own bed. I had to be next to my babies. I wouldn't sleep from the nerves. Then one night I dozed off. Suddenly, I woke up and I jumped off the couch. I had to check on the babies. But my body tingled, and felt light. I didn't walk to that crib, I was carried. I mean, I floated. I thought it was sleep deprivation making me feel that way. Keldron said that was God. Because after I checked on the babies, I slept until the next morning. Something I hadn't done for days because of the fear. God let me rest. He carried me to them, to show me they were all right. Then he put me to sleep without a care in the world.
My point is this, I felt Him again today. I felt him comfort me, and hold me, and let me know He is still here with me through my struggles. Except the difference is that now... I know Him. And now I know not to be scared. I know His presence, and I know to let Him in. And I did today.
And you can, too
Thursday, October 7, 2010
Now I lay me down to sleep (slight giggling starts)....
I pray the Lord my soul to keep (giggling gets slightly louder)....
If I should DIAPER (uncontrollable laughter begins).
And then we attempt to finish the prayer twenty mores times before mommy just gives up, and says it for them.
*Oh, the prayer really goes like this (minus the uncontrollable laughter): Now I lay me down to sleep. I pray the Lord my soul to keep. If I should DIE BEFORE I wake, I pray the Lord my soul to take.
It's never a dull moment in my house. Not even at bedtime.
Both in the same posistion, heads facing towards the foot of the bed. Yes, Devin insists on sleeping with his Spongbob Crocs in the bed with him. And why yes, that IS a huge crack in Devin's solid wood bed he managed to break. And yes, it is being held together with a purple milk crate and a toolbox. =) I'm a mom of many talents. But me, wood glue, and screws don't mix!